Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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