So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
