mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Can Purell be used as lube?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
