Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
