She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize