Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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