I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
