The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
