I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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