The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
