Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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