Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
