I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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