I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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