woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize