I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
