First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
