I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
