i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
