Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
