you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
