It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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