im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
