i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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