wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
