we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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