My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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