If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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