hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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