well you can't waste a boner
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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