About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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