Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
