Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
