Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
