Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
