so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
