I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
