I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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