is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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