Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize