I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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