How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
