Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
