you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
