Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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