Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
