He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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