I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
