She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize