i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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