And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
