Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
