So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
