He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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