Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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