Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
