these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
