We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
