I could make wine with my vomit
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
