just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
