Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
