You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
