remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
