Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
