I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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