I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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