hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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