why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
