I looked at my own cervix.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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