You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
