i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
