she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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