He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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