I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize