You work out of a Hotel?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
