Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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