Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
